I've gone back and forth on the issue several times. Do I return to LA and continue the impossible goal of becoming a working actor or do I stay in Boston and try to pursue something else. Everything about staying in Boston is easier, the expenses, the ease of Ubering but, I feel like, in my time away, I've realized how much I missed doing film work. On set is one of the few places that I've been able to make friends, it's my workplace, my watercooler. And I love the work; for years I wasn't getting paid, wasn't pushing as hard for paying roles so I could gain experience, and I still enjoyed almost every minute of it. I never minded getting up early and sitting around while the crew sets up; I'd set up with them if they wanted me to. I just love being on set.

It's a bit odd when you find something you enjoy so much and yet have no family background towards that field. The closest I have to a family member in the industry is that my mom at Disney, in the insurance department. Everything in my life seems like I was bred for a STEM or business career but, all throughout school, I struggled to find anything that appealed to me. My dad had a successful business but I saw the effects of that so I was fairly sure I didn't want to be an entrepreneur. But I didn't know what I wanted to be and, frankly and unfortunately, I didn't spend all that much time worrying about it, though I wish I had. If I had thought more seriously about what I wanted to do, I might not be the same person I am today, for better or worse.

I found my way into classes on film production at College of the Canyons and it was there that I found my love of film but part of me worried then, and still worries now, if I choose film because it's an "easier" path. Not in terms of how to become successful, that's like winning the lottery, but in the fact that I would no longer have to continue with school and try to gussy myself up, work on my personal career storytelling so it seems like my life had a semi-coherent path to this prospective job interview. Maybe that's why I didn't do a good enough job before, maybe I thought it was too easy so I didn't have to try. And I did try, I kept contact with casting directors, sought out classes and workshops, I tried to keep pushing and I think it showed but I'm sure there's more I could do; I feel like I've already thought of things I could be doing.

And the thing is, I'm excited to be thinking of ways to raise my profile and I'm eager to implement them. That's something that I can't say about going down a road of web development or UX design, none of what's involved in chasing that career path seems interesting to me, none of it excites me like film does. Maybe that's how I know I found what I'm supposed to be doing but how do you really know? Perhaps the old cliche about following your heart is the best way to go.

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